Nuggets Link Up...Nurturing Relationships

Happy Monday Ladies!  

I hope y'all had a great weekend and are ready to have an awesome week!

Today I am linking up with The Blended Blog for their "Nuggets" Link up!  Be sure to link up too!

Today we are talking about nurturing relationships.  Having a good, healthy relationship takes work, but like anything else in life, the more you put into something, the more you get out of it.  I wrote a little last week how we keep our marriage strong, you can read it here .

The most important relationships in my life are the relationships I have with my husband, my children, and my ex-husband.  I am sure that last one has some people scratching their head....lol.  

Going through a divorce sucks, and it for sure is never easy, but I see all too often that people let their anger towards their ex just consume them, and I just wasn't going to let that happen.  I have worked VERY hard to keep a healthy relationship with my ex-husband, it hasn't always been easy, but I can tell you 100% that it has totally been worth it.  I have talked many times before about my divorce and the relationship that I have with my ex-husband, and I am very proud of it.  I don't want to go through my life with anger and resentment, so getting to the point of having a healthy relationship with my ex has been wonderful.  We are able to come together, spend time together, with no animosity or anything, and just be parents to our children.  Even though we are no longer married, we spent 20 years of our life together, and that relationship will always mean something to me and be special to me, so it is important for not only my children, but for me to keep it good.

Having a great relationship with my children is very important.  And as most of you know, being parent comes with lots of highs and LOTS of lows.  Lots of doses of tough love are given out, and we all go through those times, when our kids "hate" us, because we are the worst parents EVER!  I have learned in my almost 25 years of being a mom, that tough love is absolutely some of the best love you can give.  I am a firm believer that you don't need to be your child's friend as you're raising them, you just need to be their parent.  And I have found that by being their parent, and sometimes being the mean, strict, bad guy, when they are adults it is very easy to have a friendship with them.  I have now raised two children, and I treasure so much the relationship and friendship I have with both of them.  

The most important relationship is the one I have with my husband.  Being married can be hard sometimes, and making that relationship as strong and good as it can be is very important to both Mark and I.  When we focus on our marriage and put it first, we are satisfied and happy, and it just makes us better at everything else.  We work every single day to make our marriage work.

Nurturing relationships isn't always easy, and sometimes it takes time, but having healthy, fulfilling relationships is the best part of life.  

Thanks so much for stopping by today!  See you guys back here tomorrow for Show and Tell Tuesday!

xoxo,

Kimm

Workin' It Wednesday...Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Hello Ladies!

Hope you are all having a GREAT week!

Today I am linking up with Shay and Erika for "Workin' It Wednesday"...and today we are talking about how we keep our marriages strong!

Be sure you guys link up too!

...and below you can find what topics are coming up...

Being married is simply the best...but being married is not always easy...it is HARD, and having a good, strong marriage takes a lot of hard work, but like anything else, the more you put into it the more you get out of it!

I wake up each day feeling so extremely grateful....when I got divorced I never imagined I would find a man who would be so accepting of not only me, but my 5 kids.  I have said this before many times, Mark seriously never even blinked about the fact that I had 5 kids, it didn't scare him off, he just walked right into our lives and embraced the crazy...he is such a good man, and we are so lucky that he is ours.  

Everyone has what works for them and their marriage, and I know all too well that just because something works for someone else, it won't necessarily work for you, today I am just sharing what works for us, and helps to keep our marriage good for us.

Since this is a second marriage for both Mark and I, we didn't get all that quality alone time like most couples do before they have kids...when Mark and I met, the kids were already here, so finding time for just the two of us was tough.  I was pretty involved with my kids, and my life pretty much revolved around them.  I was a class mom, volunteered for any and everything, and everywhere I went, the kids came with me.  Since I had become a mother, my kids always came first, every other thing was second, even my marriage....and Mark was just not OK with that.  I spent my days taking care of kids, volunteering at school, dropping off and picking up kids.  At night, after dinner I would do homework with the kids, watch tv with the kids, put the kids to bed, and then put myself to bed....time that I could devote to just my husband was non-esixtent, I devoted every waking hour to my kids, and by the time they went to bed, I myself was ready to crash, or I would just enjoy the "me time".  My system and way of doing things did NOT work at all for Mark.  

I clearly remember that "ah ha" moment in our relationship when I realized just what was going to make our marriage strong and work!  Mark and I had decided to go away to for 5 days, without the kids....mind you I was married for 15 years before this, and never ONCE went away without my kids, seriously never once, so this was all very foreign to me:). We had Kenny come and stay with the kids, so I was comfortable they were in good hands, but I was so nervous and just so sad to be leaving them...tears were flowing for sure!  Mark was so excited for us to have this time alone together, and I spent the first two days attached to my phone, texting and calling every 5 minutes, checking in on the kids, talking to the kids, and I would burst out into tears, and was just sad.  Mark...was not sympathetic...he was PISSED!  He was angry, and was definitely a little "tough" with me, but he made me realize that no way in hell should I be feeling guilty or bad about leaving the kids for a few days and focusing just on us.  For so long I had always put being a mom first, not being a wife.  I realized that time away from the kids was not only good for my relationship with my husband, but it was also good for them.  

Ever since that little trip, Mark and I make it a point to carve out time for just us, and that truly keeps us connected and our marriage strong.  We usually try and take a handful of long weekend getaways each year, and we truly treasure that time we have together.  We don't get near as many date nights as we would like, but that is just the season of our life now with kids who are involved in activities and have blooming social lives and need to be dropped off and picked up on Friday and Saturday nights.  For me, I always loved my time at night, when everyone was asleep and I would just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet, or sometimes I would finish up on laundry or housework that didn't get done during the day, and next thing I knew it was after midnight and I was rolling into bed...that was Mark's biggest pet peeve.  A successful marriage is all about compromise and sacrifice, and knowing how important it was to Mark that we went to bed together every single night, I made it a point each night to just stop at 9...we spend every night for an hour on the couch watching a show and we always go to bed together at 10. Sure there are some nights, where I could be getting something done,  catching up on something, or just enjoying some quiet time, but the truth is it will all be there for me to do in the morning, and knowing how important it is to my husband that we go to bed together makes it important to me.  

Mark has always made it a point and priority to make me feel special and loved every single day, he is busy during the day at work, but he always finds the time to send a sweet text or a quick phone call to just say "I love you", it is those little things that remind me that even in this crazy life, he always finds the time to make me and our marriage his first priority.  I think that many of us take it all for granted, and I simply don't.  I am so thankful for our marriage and the strong relationship that we have, and it truly is the little things that mean the most, being sure every single day, no matter what, your partner knows they are loved, appreciated and a priority.  

We truly enjoy the stage of life we are in now, raising kids, but we know that we must keep our marriage a priority, because one day all too soon, our kids will be grown and gone, and it will just be the two of us.  Mark and I put each other first, we put each other above our children, our families, everything...and I know to some that may sound crazy or selfish or whatever, but we put our marriage first, and by doing that, by being a strong couple, we are just better at everything else we do.  

So for us....our marriage stays strong by simply putting it first....ALWAYS.  

Thanks so much for stopping by today!  Have a great Wednesday!

xoxo,

Kimm

Putting Your Marriage First...Even Before Kids

Hey Girls!

First things first today.....I need to wish my adorable nephew Tyler a Happy 7th Birthday!

Wish we could be back in NC helping this cutie celebrate today!

Ok now on to today's post...today it's all about putting your marriage first!

 

The second I gave birth to Brooke my life immediately changed...all of my focus, energy and time was put towards being the best mom I could be.  And at the time, to me, that meant doing everything for my child, putting it before everything else in my life.  I put being a mom before everything in my life...before my friends, my husband, my family, myself...it was all about the kids, everything else came second.  Being a good mom was, and still is very important to me.  I was that mom that volunteered for EVERYTHING...I never ever said no.  I was class mom for all the kids, I chaired every single event at school, sat on every single committee available at their school, spent my days volunteering in the classrooms, PTA president...you name it I did it.  Why...because that is what a good mom does right???  Good moms do it all and make every aspect of their life about their children....yea...not so much!

 

You will never ever hear me talk ill about my ex-husband...NEVER!  He really is a great guy, we shared a great life together, and out of our relationship came the absolute best 5 kids ever!  We met when I was sixteen, we dated, had a baby, got married and had four more babies.  Our relationship was never bad or ugly, we just grew apart.  We walked away from the relationship how we started it, as friends, and I am so thankful for that.  During the time we were married, our entire life revolved around our kids...it was ALWAYS about them.  Every single minute was devoted to them.  We were married for 15 years, and do you know not a SINLGE time during those years did we ever once go away without the kids, I am not even kidding..not even a weekend away kid free.  Sure we had date nights, but that was it.  Looking back, it wasn't terrible, I never felt like I was missing out on anything, it was just what we did.  But knowing what I know now, I would have done some things differently.

 

When Mark and I got together and got married, though I knew it wouldn't be identical to my first marriage, I just assumed it would be somewhat similar...us together, being parents, our lives revolving around the kids.  Now you guys know what a great dad Mark is, since I tend to talk about it A LOT...and he is a great dad and he absolutely loves the kids, but not more than he loves his wife. 

 

In the beginning I struggled a lot with trying to balance my marriage and being a mom.  I was so used to my kids being the center of my universe, it was automatic and everything took a back seat, including Mark.  We would go out alone together, and I was always feeling guilty, missing the kids.  Girls, it was BAD!  I remember the first time we went away to Florida together, Kenny had come to stay at our house with the kids, I was a nervous wreck about leaving them, but I was excited to be with just Mark.  The entire trip, I thought about nothing other than missing my kids, wishing it was time to go back home.  I spent ridiculous amounts of time on the phone with them, texting Brooke and Harrison..Mark was pretty pissed off, and he let me know it. 

 

It was a couple of days after we got back home and we were sitting outside on the deck and he looked at me and said..."one day the kids are going to be gone, it is just going to be us, and if we don't put us first, what will we have once the kids are grown and gone"....WOW....I never thought about it that way.  I mean obviously the kids would eventually all grow up and move out, and I really never thought about life after raising kids...thank God he did:) 

 

 

 



True...so so true!

 

I want my kids to look at us and see a happy, healthy successful marriage.  And I also want them to realize the world doesn't revolve soley around them!  All those years I thought being a "good" mom meant always putting them first...I don't think that way anymore that is for sure! 

 

I was so wrapped up in my children it consumed me.  I never saw it as a problem or a bad thing until Mark kind of brought it to my attention and he was right.  I wasn't Kimm anymore, I was just a mom, my world revolved around my kids. 

 

I love my kids, there is nothing I wouldn't do for them, but for me to be the best mom to them I know I need to be the best wife I can be to Mark.  Mark and I are a great team, and what makes us be great parents, is making US a priority! 

 

As you know from all my posts here and on social media, Mark and I definitely take the time for us, and I no longer feel guilty about it.  People judge and say things, but this it what works for us.  We treasure every second of time that we get together, he is truly my best friend! 

 

I love this little saying and boy is it true!  Everyday Mark lets me know I am #1 in his book.  He always goes out of his way to make me feel special and loved, and I try and do the same for him (but trust me he is way better at it). 

 

It's all about finding the perfect balance, and it took me a REAL long time, but I think I have finally found it.  How lucky am I to have a man that loves me so much and wants to spend so much time with me. 

 

So for us, putting our marriage ahead of all else, even our kids (GASP), is what works best for us! 

 

Thanks for stopping by today!  See you back here tomorrow.!