Happy Thursday Girls!
If you read my blog or follow me on social media, you know I tend to really struggle with the fact that my kids are just growing up super quick. Having two adult children, I have enjoyed every single second of them growing up, it has been nothing but pure joy watching them grow into truly wonderful adults, but I can honestly say that their childhood flew by in the blink of an eye. I remember like it was just yesterday the Dr. placing my sweet baby girl in my arms almost 23 years ago, and it's as though I literally blinked, and that little baby is now 22! How is that even possible?
Ever since I was a little girl, my dream was to always grow up, get married and be a mom. When I was younger I remember all my friends saying how they were going to be doctors, and vets, and police officers when they grew up...me...I only ever wanted to be a mom. If you have read my
About Me post then you know my wish came true at the age of 18, not exactly how I envisioned it growing up, but sometimes the unexpected things turn out to be the BEST things!
Being a mother was even better than I had ever dreamed it could be. Sleepless nights, dirty diapers, crying....I loved it all, every minute of it. I always knew I wanted a big family, I always imagined it would be so fun, and then I would think how wonderful it would be down the road, when they were all grown, with families of their own, I saw my old age filled with my children and grandchildren all around me.
After AJ was born, my husband at the time, was very content with the 4 we had, and didn't really have a desire to have any more children. Deep down inside I was so sad, I couldn't even believe this was it, no more babies. Kenny decided he should get a vasectomy, so we went ahead, made the appointment, had the consultation, and scheduled the procedure. Now I am not sure if it was nerves or maybe deep down inside he wasn't ready to be done either, but he did not show up the day of the procedure, and I was so happy about that. He was still adamant that we were done, but it gave me such peace knowing that nothing permanent was done. When I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, it was a complete surprise, we had absolutely not planned it, and we were both in shock, but the shock quickly wore off and we were over the moon to be having another child, and tickled it was going to be a little girl! After having our 5th child, and a few scares along the way in the pregnancy, we talked and decided that the vasectomy needed to happen, we had 5 happy, beautiful, healthy children, some aren't so lucky as to even have one child, and we have 5. As wonderful as it is being pregnant and having a baby, with it comes a ton of worry that your child is going to be born healthy. We felt it was best for us to quit while we were ahead, and just be happy with what we had. I was very content, and the second that Olivia was born, I did instantly feel complete. The morning of the vasectomy I jokingly asked if we wanted to back out...there was still time...but we went, and the procedure was done....and then it really hit me, I mean hit me like a ton of bricks....THIS IS IT...NO MORE BABIES EVER. This was so hard for me, I am not going to lie. We talked about it, and did decide that 5 was enough and we were done, but there is something about knowing that this is a decision that cannot be changed was tough for me. I would see a women at the mall, at the park, wherever with a new baby and I swear my uterus ached, knowing that I would never again have another baby. I know to some of you this probably sounds so crazy coming from a woman with 5 kids!
Together Mark and I have 8 children, yes you read that right....8! When Mark knew he was done having children, like most men, he got a vasectomy, so I knew right off the bat that there would be no babies for us. He jokes with me all the time, saying he was very happy and content with 3 children and knew that was all he wanted, and he says never in a million years did he think he would one day have 5 more:)
In the early years of my relationship with Mark, it really bothered me that we would never have children together. Being married is so wonderful, and we are so truly happy, but there is nothing quite like creating a little life, having a precious little baby that is a part of you, and a part of the one you love the most. I would be 100% lying if I said deep down inside I didn't secretly wish we could have had a child together.
Today I am 41, a VERY busy mom to 5, I am sure I don't have the energy required at this point in my life to have a newborn. That being said, for me, it is so hard to finally accept the fact that this is it, no more babies. I am so lucky, and I know it and I thank God every single day for the blessings I have have, and I take nothing for granted.
I can't even being to put into words the joy I get from being a mother. I fiercely love my children and am so thankful that I have been able to stay home and raise them. I truly feel like I haven't missed a thing. All of their firsts, I have been here to witness, and even when it came to the 5th child, the "firsts" were just as exciting as they were with my first born. I will tell you that all of Olivia's firsts have been extremely bittersweet for me, because I know that all of her "firsts" are my "lasts" as a mother.
There are times I break down and just start crying, I know this may sound so ridiculous to some of you, knowing that I will never again be pregnant, never again go through labor, never again have that feeling of them putting a brand new life that I created in my arms. It's hard and the struggle is real for me.
I am sure there are many moms out there that can totally relate to what I am saying here, and others that probably think I am just plain crazy!
Thanks so much for stopping by today. Be sure to check back tomorrow for Friday Favorites!
