Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Tuesday Talk...

Happy Tuesday Girls!
 
Hope you all had a great weekend!  I have got to get my act together and start being more consistent about blogging!  Life has been so crazy lately!
 

 
We have just been plain busy over here lately!  So much going on, and just not enough hours in the day some days, to get it all done!  Mark has been SLAMMED at work lately...he is in his "busy season" right now, and we are pretty darn excited for that to all come to an end later this month.  It will be nice to have him home a little more! 
 
AJ has been KILLING it with fishing lately...if he isn't sleeping or at school, he is out back in a chair, fishing poles lined up, fishing away!  This kid was made to live on the water.
 


 
We have yet to keep any of the fish he has caught, he just catches them and releases them!  I am sure at some point we will keep and eat them!
 
In addition to normal day to day life, we have some other things going on too!  If you read my blog regularly, or follow me on social media, then you know that when we moved back in October, Harrison decided to stay back in Charlotte.  It was no secret that this was TOUGH for me!  It killed me leaving him there, but it was what he really wanted to do.  He loved his job, his life and his friends, and as much as I wanted him to come, I completely understood and supported him in his decision.  I have been so proud of him...he goes to work everyday pays his bills, and for the most part has been pretty responsible.  But...he is only 20, and though he works full time and makes a decent salary, it is tough to make it on your own and still be able to have fun and do the things he wants to do.  We can lecture our kids on the importance of saving for a rainy day, how important it is to save as much money as possible, and well 9 times out of ten, they all have to learn the hard way!  Ha!  Well last week I got that phone call that I knew sooner or later I would get..."mom my car just broke down...what should I do"....mind you I am 700 miles away!  Long story short...Harrison was making it on his own...paying his bills, being able to survive...but that was it.  Instead of saving for a rainy day, he had a TON of fun.  Many people may think I am mean or harsh, for not sending him a check to rescue him from this and make it all better, but I truly don't think we would be helping him.  Sometimes tough love is the best love.  He realized, after 8 months, that he wants more than to just get by.  He knows coming home for a few years, working, and saving all that he can will benefit him so much down the road.  So long story short....on April 23 Harrison is flying "home".  Him and Mark will be once again working together...and can I just say how awesome my husband is taking care of my boy!  Harrison of course is disappointed and a bit sad about leaving so much behind in Charlotte, but he will thrive here and no doubt will be super successful.  As a mother, I don't want to see any of my children struggle.  Now, I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely THRILLED to have all my kiddos here with me together again!  I know it will only be temporary, as he is anxious to get to work, save his money and get out on his own...but I am going to SOAK UP the time he is here!  AJ is so excited have him coming back.  The boys have missed him so much, and Olivia said, "Mommy I am so glad Harrison is going to be a part of our family again".
 
So that is all that is going on over here!  I will be busy over the next week and a half, getting things ready for Harrison...our house here isn't super big, so it is definitely going to take some creativity to make it all work!
 
See you guys back here tomorrow for a super fun link up with Erika and Shay!
 
 



53 comments:

  1. Even though the circumstances aren't the best, I'm glad you'll have Harrison back for awhile!!

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    1. Us too! We wanted him to go to college, he didn't want to...now he has to learn a little bit the hard way! Have a great day Lauren !

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  2. So your hard working adult son asks for help to pay for his car and you make him move to Florida for a couple of years ? My goodness...he will be in his mid 20's by that time. Lol! Is there not a repayment plan you could have worked out with him? I understand saving money, but isn't this your 2nd adult child living with you? I think your littles would be better off seeing that it's not normal for children that old to be living at home that long. Coming home from college is one thing, but it's very strange to be that old and have no end in sight. You're doing everybody a disservice.

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    1. Hi anonymous. I appreciate your opinion. We all parent and do things different. I don't know many 20 year olds who can make it out on their own. Having to buy my son a new car, having him pay us back, pay rent, etc...he would never get ahead. I would rather him live at home for another year...GASP he will 21.... And move out when he is more financially ready. As for my littles, I want them to see that hard work is what makes you make it in the world, NOT mommy and daddy coming to the rescue. Im not sure if you have "adult" children but I would HARDLY call 20 an adult...most 20 year olds are just not ready to be fully on their own. I would much prefer Harrison live home for year, save money and go out and be on his own when he is ready. I feel I would be doing him a disservice by "fixing" this for him. This is a little more than some simple car repair money. Like I said I appreciate your opinion, however I see it differently. He is able to come home, have a job, get the training he needs to be able to do whatt he wants to do for his long term career. To me it's not "abnormal" to have a 20 year old living at home, what's "abnormal" is showing him that he can be foolish and irresponsible and I'll just run to his rescue ...he certainly won't learn if a silver spoon is constantly in his mouth!

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    2. I certainly don't assume a silver spoon is in his mouth...trust that!!! Only saying if he's working hard, why not help? Will he just have no car? And yes, I have a 20 year old daughter in college who works full time, has a full load of school (18 hours) and manages an active social life. So long as she's doing her end, I don't mind helping out on occasion. You're right, it's hard st 20 on your own in any situation. I'd rather show appreciation for the efforts being made then send her packing back home due to something out of her control (broke down car, etc.)

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    3. He does work hard, however unfortunately even after MONtHS of us preaching about at least saving a little money, he chose to spend it and not save any. I don't mind helping my kids at all, however instead of doing a few minor repairs to his car, that mind you was given to him by Us he thought it would run forever with zero maintenance. Every week mark and I said if you're not going to maintain the car you better be saving for a major repair or a new car...and we got the whole "yes mom I have some money saved" and well when the crap hit the fan he didn't have anything saved. Like I said if it was a car repair to help him I would do it. But he needs to learn budget, and such. The reality is not having a car until he can get a new one isn't an option when he is up there and solely depending on others to get him where he needs to be. He had a great time have fun for the past 6 months, unfortunately when you want to be on your own and be treated like an adult you must act like one. Had I seen more of an effort on his part we would have been more apt to help. Unfortunately this situation wasn't something out of his control, rather just ignoring a problem! Thanks for taking the time to comment

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  3. Good for you for not sending him the check! I think you're striking a good balance between helping him get ahead but not just giving it to him. i totally don't think everyone is cut out for college and that's totally okay. Maybe this experience of being put on his own and then having to come back for a bit will help him understand how hard it is to make it without a degree or some type of specialized skill- maybe mechanical or something he can attend a vo-tech for?

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    1. i have no problem helping any of my children. However they have to show an effort also. Harrison made poor decisions, he has to learn that wanting be an adult is tough, and it's all about discipline and financial responsibility. He wanted to have fun rather than put a few dollars away for a rainy day.

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  4. Has baseball season started? Didn't one of your boys play?

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    1. Yes AJ is our ball player. He decided to not play this season. He is gearing up for football season now and said it was nice taking a break from baseball but can't wait for next spring to play

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  5. I know you are beyond thrilled about having Harrison "home." Your heart will be full again. Also, I've enjoyed seeing all your pics on IG of AJ's catches! I know that boy is having so much fun!!

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    1. I am, I wish the circumstances were different, but hey tough love is called for sometimes. And girl that boy can fish !

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  6. Hi Kimm, I am sure that you will get lots of advice and/or criticism by posting this. Especially from the outside, people are quick to point out what they think the solution should be - and then it is usually pointless to try to explain the ins and outs of the situation. I just wanted to say that I admire your decision and handling of this situation and ultimately, as you know, you know how to best handle this, especially more so than any commenter on the Internet who hasn't lived out the circumstances :)
    I hope you have a great week!!

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    1. Lol so true. I will always have my kids back and help them. But Harrison made poor choices, and now must pay the price. Sure I could have bought him a brand new car and sent him money, but what does he learn from that, nothing in my opinion. These kids now a days have to realize they are entitled to nothing..,and hard work is what makes things happen. Thanks for stopping by today!

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  7. Does your son know that you basically called him out on your blog? I'm sure if I were a 20 year old adult man, I would have a few choice words for my mom if she did anything remotely similar.

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    1. I respect your opinion. In my opinion a 20 year adult (and I use adult loosely when referring to a 20 year old) would have made much more responsible choices. Hard to give out choice words to the only people willing to support and help you. To me this is what is wrong now a days....young kids, yes 20 yrs old still a kid, want to do whatever they want and want mommy and daddy or someone else to fix it and make it all better. If we do that all a we are teaching him, is to go ahead and keep making poor choices and it's going to be ok because we will swoop in and save the day. I have and always will be supportive of my children, and you can disagree with my parenting that is fine. But raising some kid who thinks he is entitled to everything, and having zero consequences isn't helping this world out any. And my son, unlike many, has more respect for his parents, than to have any choice words for us seeing as though we didn't hand him $10,000 for a new car, we are willing to help him and give him the guidance he needs to make better choices. So as much as I appreciate your comment, if you would have choice words to the only people that would help you after a huge screw, well shame on you

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    2. How will he ever learn to budget??? Look who his mom is! Way to be the example, Kimm. Just because you're not bailing him out in the car situation, you're still essentially bailing him out while letting him live with you.

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    3. I'm not bailing him out I am giving him the opportunity to get on his feet I appreciate you see it differently. As adults, parents, we can spend and do what we wish and certainly don't have to answer to our children for it. You're free to think what you want, however we are good examples to our children...examples that hard work is the only way to achieve the things you want in life. Thank you for stopping by today

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  8. Did AJ love to fish before moving to FL? So cute!

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    1. He has always been an outdoorsy kid and has fished occasionally, now that he was some water in his back yard I see how strong his love of fishing is. He is that kid who could be out in the woods for a week...give him a tent and a fishing pole and he would find a way to survive. It's sure nice to see him taking a break from electronics and enjoying a little bit more !

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  9. This is a really personal thing to post on a public blog, especially about a grown child. I can't think of any 20 something who would want their parent to do this. There is a huge difference between tough love and unnecessary embarrassment.

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    1. I appreciate and respect your opinion. Nothing embarrassing at all about trying something and it just not working out the way you had hoped. I give my son a TON of credit for giving it a shot. I am not one to sugar coat or fluff anything. I'm not sure why the concept is so tough for people to just respect how others handle a situation. Like I always say, I appreciate everyone's comments and opinions, but it's not for anyone to say if it's right or wrong. What works for you may not work for the next person, to each his own. I didn't divulge some personal private information..this was a life experience for my son. Seriously!?!?

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    2. I am proud that on his own, he realized he wants more out of life than just being able to just get by. We didn't force him to come home, we discussed options and this seemed like the best for Harrison. Like I said I am proud of him for giving it a shot, I am more proud of him for realizing it was a lot harder than he thought and that he is smart enough to learn from this and move on from it

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  10. Technically, you're an adult at 18...unless this has changed recently.

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    1. Yes you turn 18 and you go from being a child one day to being an adult the very next day. I can only speak from personal experience, but I don't really know any 18 year old that is equipped to live and support themselves fully on their own. Now I am sure there are some 18 year olds out there who do it and do it well, I just don't personally know of any.

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    2. I saw a picture once that reminds me of your situation - it said something like "how can we expect high school graduates to be adults when just last year they had to ask permission to use the bathroom." Some of the commenters here are making it seem like you are doing him a disservice by having him live at home when it's going to help him. I lived at home straight thru college and shortly afterwards and needed to, otherwise I'd never have a down payment for a house. My parents didn't officially charge me rent but I was responsible for my own bills and chipped in all the time with groceries and such. You're doing the right thing by saying you won't just buy him a new car but allow him a place to stay to save up. :) We can't expect kids to grow up immediately once they turn 18, you know?

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    3. Hi Lauren. I saw that quote floating on IG not long ago too! I see nothing wrong with a child living home to save money. I would much rather my son stay here save money and be in a position to maybe buy something in a few years ! I appreciate your kind words.

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  11. Your opinion of what age constitutes adulthood is irrelevant. It's 18. Poor Harrison! Having your mistakes aired on mom's blog must be humiliating.

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    1. My point exactly. Irrelevant. And yes poor Harrison. Good thing he has tough skin and has enjoyed me texting him screen shots of these comments. Like I said I appreciate everyone who comments, even the people who only comment to be negative nasty and rude

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    2. Your doing what's best for your son Kimm. I guess everyone is assuming that you not helping him out is your way of getting him to come back home! He will definitely learn his lesson when he loses that sweet freedom that he has grown accustomed to :)

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    3. It's no secret I miss him...however this isn't a ploy to get him home. This is the best way we can help him , writing him a check and buying him a new car isn't helping him or teaching him anything, that is our opinion. I know many parents feel differently, and I respect that. At the end of the day I want him to be happy, and I know that struggling to just get by and never get on your feet is definitely not happiness. And yes it'll be tough coming back home after having lots of freedom ;) have a great day

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    4. I wasn't nasty or rude. I was simply expressing my opinion on a public blog post. You only think it's rude because people don't agree with you. Maybe you should borrow some of Harrison's thick skin.

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    5. It doesn't matter if someone agrees with me or not. How boring if we all agreed on everything in life.

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  12. Hi Kimm,

    I understand the "gotta do what you gotta do" mentality. However, haven't you stated before that your home is pretty cramped as is? I just really hope that what space your younger children have isn't compromised. Why would he not live with his father if moving back in with parents was his only option? I know your oldest daughter loves with you as well. At any rate, best of luck.

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    1. We certainly don't live in a sprawling home, that being said we can comfortably house Harrison. I guess he could have moved in with his father , however is choice was to be here with us. Thank you for stopping by

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  13. I'm surprised at how many people think once you turn 18 you should be completely on your own with no help or guidance. Our society does not prepare children to turn into adults at 18. Yes parents can do the best they can, but as a "village" we are not. Senior year in high school is all about preparing for college, vocational school, etc, not for living 100% on your own. So those late teen early 20s are really for figuring this all out, and the more family and friends that can emotionally support you through this, the better.

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    1. If it was only that easy...to turn 18 and be ready to make out there in the world. People say it's hard raising babies...my opinion those are the easy years...it's these young adult years that prove to be the most challenging. We love him, and want him to succeed...we are doing what we feel is best. Thanks for stopping by today

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  14. Hugs to you because people are mean :( only you and Harrison can decide what's best for him.

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  15. Kimm I can understand where you are coming from for sure! While having him back home will be nice for everyone, it also comes at the price of some loss of freedom for him - something that would not have happened had he made better choices. Don't let people get you down. EVERYONE makes mistakes and I personally feel that everyone deserves some grace. I feel that is exactly what you are doing with Harrison. You could have told him "sorry - you just have to figure it out!" but instead you are allowing him to kind of have a do over, which is great! Don't feel badly for family decisions - if they work for you all, that is what matters! Xoxo

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  16. Wow! Some really offensive responses on here. I'm glad you posted them for us to see. I'm all for constructive criticism, especially when you chose to write a public blog and include your family, but, some of these people are very mean and rude! The anonymous comments @ 6:25 am and 1:07 pm are terrible. I've disagreed with Kimm before and posted my comments on here without totally attacking her. I would hardly call it a "disservice" and "not normal" for a 20 year old to move back home for awhile. I don't think living at home in order to save money is so bad, after all he is working. I would give him a time frame of a couple years before he has to move out. I'm appalled that someone would judge you saying that you don't know how to budget based on this situation.i agree he probably should of set aside an emergency fund its pretty hard to tell a young person that and now he will see why. I don't think it would have been a bad decision to bail him out with a loan for the car if it was a one time thing. I'm guessing the choice to move back home wasn't only because of the lack of money for the car. As for the comments about your house being full and other adult child living at home I would like to offer the this.... We have a similar situation where my 22 year old step-son had to move back home. It's not forever, and our home isn't that big. He is working full time and trying to better himself after going through some very serious issues which he has overcome. He is in the process of saving money so he can move out in a year or two.

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    1. Hi Steph. Thank you for your comment. I am all for constructive criticism, and for the most part I do publish comments, however some fo the truly hate filled ones I just delete. Harrison is a great kid, but he is YOUNG...no parent wants to see their child struggling. He gave it a try, and realized that he can better himself by coming home for a time, and saving as much money as he can. As for budgeting, that comment was laughable, how I spend my money has NO bearing on anything. We have always preached to our children, even the little boys, how important it is to save for a rainy day. It was our opinion that sending Harrison a check for a new car really wasn't solving anything. As for our house being full of adult children...again pretty funny. Yes Brooke still lives with us, I am all for letting them live home for a while, work, pay their own bills, but have the opportunity to save so they can move out when they are ready. I really don't want them having to move back home when they are 30. Our hope is by giving them this opportunity to live home now, they will have some money in the bank and when they are ready to get out in the real world, financially they will be ok when those bumps in the road happen, because we all know that they do. Kudos to you for having your step-son live with you. As parents we do what we can to help our children, and what works for one may not work for someone else, and that is OK...it is the sheer lack of respect so many of these people have. Again, thank you for taking the time read and comment. I know not everyone is always going to agree with me, and that is OK..it is nice to know there are people like you, who can share your different opinion without being disrespectful and just mean and intentionally hurtful! Have a great day

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    2. I cringe thinking that you have worse comments that the above two I mentioned. They don't even have the courage to leave their real name! Lol. Totally agree with you on not wanting a 30 year old living at home and the free spending ways of youth. We have 3 at home still. The above mentioned 22 year old, and a 19 and 16 year old. All are boys with jobs and two part time students. There are good and bad days and my grocery bill is very high, but, I wouldn't ask anyone to leave right now. I know it's only a matter of time and in a few years it will probably be my husband, myself and maybe one at home. I believe that we are parenting well and having 2 "adults" at home still doesn't make us bad parents. I have health issues that make me unable to do as much as I can some days. I'm thankful to be able to do what I can for my boys and have them at home. Everyone's situation is different and you never know what life will hand you.I wish
      people wouldn't be so mean. There's nothing accomplished by it except hate.

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    3. Someone told me they pray I have a plan for my little kids because I am 0-2 on my adult ones ;). People are crazy. That's all;)

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    4. My daughter is 18 ( a winter birthday) and still a senior in high school. While she is responsible and frugal and is on her way to becoming an adult, I would hardly call her one! Legally, maybe; mentally; nowhere near ready to be on her own.
      These commenters need to relax, Kimm! How judgemental people can be is beyond me.

      I made some bad choices in my early twenties, thank goodness my mom was there for me and helped me find my way or who knows where I would be! Seems like that's all you are doing for your son, helping him find his way.

      A 20 year old college student can go home without judgement on breaks and weekends; why can't a 20 year old working person do the same? At 20, your son has a lifetime to be on his own, good for you for continuing to teach him!

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    5. Thanks Lisa! Yea people are very harsh and very opinionated and seem to know what's best for my family;). Legally an adult means nothing to me....Harrison just turned 20 in December, he is young and nothing wrong, in my opinion, letting him live home for a while! Thanks for stopping by today!!

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    6. Just wanted to offer some support, not everyone sits in judgement behind the anonymity of a computer screen, these negative commenters seem classless to me.

      The ironic thing is that if you had posted something in regards to your son hitting a rough patch but you guys just said 'well, you're an adult Harrison, good luck!' and washed your hands of him then these commenters would have a huge problem with that too. You'll never win and I admire that you post the truth regardless of the opinions people will voice!

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    7. Thank you Lisa! I totally agree that regardless of what we chose to do they would find something "wrong" with it and let me know it. I respect everyone's opinion I just wish people were not so mean. Thanks again!!!

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  17. I don't necessarily disagree with your decision about your son, my beef is with your sharing of so much of your personal, private, family information on the internet. I feel there are boundaries that should be adhered to whether the individual you are posting about says it's ok or not!

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  18. Hi Joan! I totally appreciate your feelings. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment

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  19. There is nothing more fun than families being together! Life is hard enough and having family nearby lightens the load. And wow, that is one giant fish! Go AJ, go!! What a great way to take a break from the screens our teens all love!

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    1. Thanks Betsy! And yes Aj has been getting some nice fish lately. It sure makes me happy seeing them taking a much needed break from iPhones and video games! Have a great weekend !

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