Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Putting Your Marriage First...Even Before Kids

Hey Girls!

First things first today.....I need to wish my adorable nephew Tyler a Happy 7th Birthday!

Wish we could be back in NC helping this cutie celebrate today!

Ok now on to today's post...today it's all about putting your marriage first!

 
The second I gave birth to Brooke my life immediately changed...all of my focus, energy and time was put towards being the best mom I could be.  And at the time, to me, that meant doing everything for my child, putting it before everything else in my life.  I put being a mom before everything in my life...before my friends, my husband, my family, myself...it was all about the kids, everything else came second.  Being a good mom was, and still is very important to me.  I was that mom that volunteered for EVERYTHING...I never ever said no.  I was class mom for all the kids, I chaired every single event at school, sat on every single committee available at their school, spent my days volunteering in the classrooms, PTA president...you name it I did it.  Why...because that is what a good mom does right???  Good moms do it all and make every aspect of their life about their children....yea...not so much!
 
You will never ever hear me talk ill about my ex-husband...NEVER!  He really is a great guy, we shared a great life together, and out of our relationship came the absolute best 5 kids ever!  We met when I was sixteen, we dated, had a baby, got married and had four more babies.  Our relationship was never bad or ugly, we just grew apart.  We walked away from the relationship how we started it, as friends, and I am so thankful for that.  During the time we were married, our entire life revolved around our kids...it was ALWAYS about them.  Every single minute was devoted to them.  We were married for 15 years, and do you know not a SINLGE time during those years did we ever once go away without the kids, I am not even kidding..not even a weekend away kid free.  Sure we had date nights, but that was it.  Looking back, it wasn't terrible, I never felt like I was missing out on anything, it was just what we did.  But knowing what I know now, I would have done some things differently.
 
When Mark and I got together and got married, though I knew it wouldn't be identical to my first marriage, I just assumed it would be somewhat similar...us together, being parents, our lives revolving around the kids.  Now you guys know what a great dad Mark is, since I tend to talk about it A LOT...and he is a great dad and he absolutely loves the kids, but not more than he loves his wife. 
 
In the beginning I struggled a lot with trying to balance my marriage and being a mom.  I was so used to my kids being the center of my universe, it was automatic and everything took a back seat, including Mark.  We would go out alone together, and I was always feeling guilty, missing the kids.  Girls, it was BAD!  I remember the first time we went away to Florida together, Kenny had come to stay at our house with the kids, I was a nervous wreck about leaving them, but I was excited to be with just Mark.  The entire trip, I thought about nothing other than missing my kids, wishing it was time to go back home.  I spent ridiculous amounts of time on the phone with them, texting Brooke and Harrison..Mark was pretty pissed off, and he let me know it. 
 
It was a couple of days after we got back home and we were sitting outside on the deck and he looked at me and said..."one day the kids are going to be gone, it is just going to be us, and if we don't put us first, what will we have once the kids are grown and gone"....WOW....I never thought about it that way.  I mean obviously the kids would eventually all grow up and move out, and I really never thought about life after raising kids...thank God he did:) 
 
 
 

True...so so true!
 
I want my kids to look at us and see a happy, healthy successful marriage.  And I also want them to realize the world doesn't revolve soley around them!  All those years I thought being a "good" mom meant always putting them first...I don't think that way anymore that is for sure! 
 
I was so wrapped up in my children it consumed me.  I never saw it as a problem or a bad thing until Mark kind of brought it to my attention and he was right.  I wasn't Kimm anymore, I was just a mom, my world revolved around my kids. 
 
I love my kids, there is nothing I wouldn't do for them, but for me to be the best mom to them I know I need to be the best wife I can be to Mark.  Mark and I are a great team, and what makes us be great parents, is making US a priority! 
 
As you know from all my posts here and on social media, Mark and I definitely take the time for us, and I no longer feel guilty about it.  People judge and say things, but this it what works for us.  We treasure every second of time that we get together, he is truly my best friend! 
 
I love this little saying and boy is it true!  Everyday Mark lets me know I am #1 in his book.  He always goes out of his way to make me feel special and loved, and I try and do the same for him (but trust me he is way better at it). 
 
It's all about finding the perfect balance, and it took me a REAL long time, but I think I have finally found it.  How lucky am I to have a man that loves me so much and wants to spend so much time with me. 
 
So for us, putting our marriage ahead of all else, even our kids (GASP), is what works best for us! 
 
Thanks for stopping by today!  See you back here tomorrow.!
 
 

33 comments:

  1. I just wanted to take a minute and tell you that I have really enjoyed reading your blog lately! Such great, thoughtful posts!

    Natalie C

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    1. Thank you Natalie! Have a great day.

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  2. I love your words here, Kimm! I'm not even close to married nor have kids but I definitely agree with what you're saying! I never want to lose "Lauren." I want to make my marriage a priority because that's the strong foundation for a family! I love this.

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  3. So true! We have to make our spouse #1. I am a big believer in time away as a couple!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by today Hailey!

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  4. Good words this morning! I have a three year old and my husband and I have never been out for a date night nor away overnight from him. I feel guilty if I go to the grocery store without him. I know, I know, I know I need to make time for my spouse, but man it's hard!! Thanks for this reminder!

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    1. Girl trust me I know what you're going through. After a few times away from the kids, the guilt disappeared and I realized how much happier we were ! Baby steps my friend !!!

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  5. great reminder. I definitely need to work on this.
    Lisa G., McKinney,TX

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    1. Thanks Elaine! So sorry for the loss in your family. Xoxo

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  7. I love this post and fully believe what you're saying! Even with our newest twins, we're planning our night away bday trip for him next month! It's just so impt!

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    1. Yay for some alone time for you guys! I'm sure you guys need it. Xoxo

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  8. Great post! I admit that it IS hard trying to balance being a wife and mom. There are days I feel like I'm being pulled both ways!

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    1. Hey Laura! The struggle is real for sure ! Have a great day.

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  9. Love this, I have 6 kids and 2 grandkids and I needed the reminder cause its 100 percent true .

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  10. How long will Brooke live with you?

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    1. I guess until she doesn't want to anymore.

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  11. Such a great post Kimm! I think finding a balance is a real struggle. I do want to add too that it doesn't have to be date nights and trips away to make your spouse a priority. Those can be very costly and many people can't afford a babysitter plus the cost of the activity. I think it's more of the mindset you have - when you have it in your head that you will make your spouse a priority, then you find ways in everyday life to let that show.

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    1. I agree! We have lots of date nights in so to speak. Just getting the little kids settled and into their rooms for the night, and sometimes it's a glass of wine, cheese & crackers on the couch and catching up on the DVR. It's all about just making it a priority to find the time to keep the marriage strong! Thanks for stopping by today!!! And I have to say I am BLOWN away as to how much babysitters get paid. I mean who can afford that...I know adults who don't make as much hourly as some high school girls that babysit. It's insane !!!

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  12. Great post Kimm! It's easy to put other things/people, not just kids, before my spouse, and that's not right. It's great you and Mark are working on prioritizing your relationship!

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    1. Crazy how we just kinda always let the marriage take the back seat !

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  13. Hi Kimm! Since you're in Florida, I highly recommend Liitle Palm Island resort in the Florida Keys! It's actually a must! It's only reachable by boat or sea plane and is a spectacular getaway. I like in the Dallas area and my husband and I go 2-4 times a year. You should definitely book it as a surprise to your hubby. Check out their website. As a heads up, it's couples only, so no kiddos :)

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    1. Thank you so much for his recommendation! I mentioned last week we are looking to go to the keys for our anniversary in april and was asking for recommendations. Thank you so much !!!

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  14. Definitely agree. And I am thankful for wonderful grandparents who see the importance of my husband and investing in our marriage and watching our son while we enjoy time alone.

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    1. That's so awesome that you have family that can help with babysitting for some mommy/daddy alone time! Have a great night

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  15. Great reminder! Just shared this post to my mom's group on Facebook. :)

    www.hautemommyblog.com

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  16. I love this post! And girl it is so true! Tony and I always took family vacations with the girls (you know we are 2nd marriages) and we always found time for date golf days, dinners out, weekends away. Now that both of our girls are grown and out of the house.......I am SO GLAD we invested in each other when they were still at home! You have a ways to go yet, Olivia is still little, but it will go by fast! Tony and I love love love being Empty Nesters. I cried when both girls left and then I wiped my tears and started planning weekend trips, we bought a beach house and we love life! We never had to worry about what next? Because we knew exactly what was next: US! Golden years! Amazing times with each other. Great post!

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  17. Great post Kimm! A wonderful reminder that I definitely needed to hear!

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  18. Great post Kimm! I appreciate that when you post about your family, marriage, life issues, etc. you seem to be real with your emotions and stories. That is what makes a blog engaging. Sometimes people just post that life is dandy and perfect, and sometimes it really is, but not always! I like that you post a good mix of great, and not-so-great, and we get to have an idea of what your life might ACTUALLY be like, so thanks for that! My hubby and I don't have kiddos yet (hence my blog), but I really hope when our time comes that we can stay as close as we are now, and make one another a priority, like you and Mark are now. Great post! :)
    -Sara at www.saraleeblog.com

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    1. Hi Sara! Our life is far from perfect and I never want anyone to think its always happy and stress free over here. Real life is sometimes hard, I post about it all. The good the bad and the ugly! Thanks for reading !!! Xoxo

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